It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
