Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Boobs are out for the taking
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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