My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
