just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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