felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
