You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
