you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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