Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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