Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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