Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
