pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
