my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My penis needs a shock collar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
