My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
