I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
