if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
