So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
