I think i sorta joined a cult last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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