i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
