dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We got so high we made milksteak
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
