Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
