do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
