omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
