went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
