the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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