Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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