did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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