I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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