I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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