Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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