non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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