Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
