I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
