He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
