Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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