So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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