If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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