You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
