if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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