I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
