So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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