mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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