I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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