when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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