is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
