Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
