she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
