I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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