I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
