i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the day after is always just damage control
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
