I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
