no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
