Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
