Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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